I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize