farters have to be the big spoon...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
