ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
