Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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