"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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