I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
