My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
