Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
