You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
