This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
