$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
