I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
