So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
