I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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