Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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