I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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