If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize