he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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