Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
