I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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