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and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize