Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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