and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My pussy is not your playground.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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