Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
