You made me cry and you don't even care
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Too much gin, very little bucket
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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