I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
