His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
