There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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