come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
