I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
