Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize