He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
