I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
