My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
