My first STD was from a foam party
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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