shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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