He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at about main and main street
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
