his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
