I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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