I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
