well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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