I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
