Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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