Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
