Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
