just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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