I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
