Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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