I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
