finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
