a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
