i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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