I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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