u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
