omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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