I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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