every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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