I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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