Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
