Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
