News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
