Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
