ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
