How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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