If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
