you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize