I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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