Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
