i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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