flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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