I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
