Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
