Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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