i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
