I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize