nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
