The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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