DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
