Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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