eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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