yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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