just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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