I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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