i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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