I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize