Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
