just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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