i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
