half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
