We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
