what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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