Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
