Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do herpes really smell.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
