It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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