During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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