Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
