He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
