I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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