This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize