she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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